On how to propose like a ninja

By: Ryan on May 9, 2014.

I want to clarify, before we get started and you sink a lot of time into reading this, that I did not propose while dressed like a ninja or with the implements of a ninja. I did, however, employ a great deal of stealth and subterfuge in pulling off a proposal that went far better than I could have hoped. April told me that I would never be able to surprise her and I bent my considerable talents to proving her wrong. If you are still interested, read on.

Before we get into the proposal story, I need you to understand something about me. I love surprises and surprising people. It’s a pathological need of mine. I grew up with a father who loved to surprise us and I took to it like a champ. I taught English in Japan for a couple of years and backpacked around Europe, the Middle East, and Africa before coming home. I bought tickets for so that I would have seven months to travel, leaving Japan for Finland and flying out of Casa Blanca, Morocco to head home. I told my parents, however, that I would be traveling for 8 months. The surprise was already being planned. I told my family that my little netbook webcam had stopped working. It hadn’t. I needed a reason to explain why they would not see my face for the next 7 months. My first day in Finland, in the middle of a blizzard, I walked to a barber shop and had my head shaved. My hair, while never that long, had never even been buzzed up to that point in time. I also stopped shaving my face and would let my beard grow for the rest of my trip. Seven months and 20 countries later, I was getting ready to fly home. I told my sister that I would be flying home on Friday and enlisted her help in surprising my parents. I told my brother that I would be flying into Nashville on Thursday and enlisted his help in surprising my sister. I told my friend, Chad, that I would be flying home on Wednesday at 5 and enlisted his help in surprising my brother. In reality, I was landing at 3 PM on Wednesday and set off a chain of surprises that left my friend and my family flabbergasted. My sister came in a day early so that she could surprise me at the airport. It didn’t work. It was the surprise highlight of my life.

Before and after my trip. Well, the “after” picture was taken a month before my trip ended, so my beard grew another couple of inches. Still, you get the effect.

Until I asked April to marry me.

For ease of story-telling, I will refer to all dates as DBP, Days Before Proposal. Let us begin.

201 DBP – I steal April’s phone for a moment and retrieve the email address of her friend Ruthie (I am including Ruthie’s website here because she’s an amazing artist). I set up a secret email address and do not sign into it from any device that April will have access to for the next 201 days. She had several times said that she would like Ruthie to make our wedding bands and would love it if we could talk to Ruthie about making the engagement ring. I’m going to make it happen.

197 DBP – Ruthie responds to my email. She seems happy that I am trying to set this up in secret and tells me, “There is a story somewhere about the secrecy of a jeweler. It’s part of the job description, so never fear, I will keep your secret close.” As a surprise aficionado, it bothers me that there will be another person who knows almost all of what I am planning. While Ruthie will not know the time or place of the proposal, a careless word from her will alert April that a surprise has been initiated.

190 DBP – In the aftermath of the flood that hit our area, Microsoft gave the city 15 phones to use in mapping flood damage. One of the phones is not needed and so, for the next two months, I will keep it in a drawer of my desk. April is unaware of the phone and it is how Ruthie and I will talk when email doesn’t get the job done. Ruthie and I discuss metals, gems, ring design, casting style, and anything else that will help Ruthie deliver April’s dream ring.

112 DBP – April begins looking for rings online to help speed me on my way. I tell her that we need to have enough money set aside so that I can afford to buy the ring. I lament that, as we share a bank account, I will have no way of actually surprising her with the ring as she will know when I buy it. This reassures her.

69 DBP – The first drawings of the ring are presented. The stone is there and looks beautiful. I realize that I need another sounding board. I exponentially increase the risk of the operation and the group gains its third member, Lex Mehn. He is emailed a drawing and told to delete it immediately after viewing it. For the next 69 days, if we discuss the issue online, I do so from the secret address and he has to disable his chat history.

62 DBP – April has begun to be more vocal about wanting to help with the ring picking. I tell her that I have been looking at various rings but I’m always worried that she won’t like whichever one I pick. She suggests I talk with her good friend Ruthie. I tell her I will.

57 DBP – April emails Ruthie and me, introducing us as April does not know Ruthie and I have been talking for months. She tells us to get on it. Ruthie’s role transforms from passive member of the secret to an active one. If April asks her how the ring hunt is going, Ruthie needs to respond appropriately. Luckily, the ring will be done soon and Ruthie will not have long to wait.

33 DBP – Ruthie tells April that she would like to come to Seattle to see the dress. She will be a bridesmaid and this is a great opportunity to get caught up and spend some girl time together. In reality, she is also coming to deliver the finished ring.

31 DBP – The group grows again as I bring Kellen Harris into the fold. Kellen works with April and will be joining us on the trip to Seattle. I will be unable to collect the ring from Ruthie and carry it home as it constitutes too great a risk (April and I share a single carry-on). Kellen surprises April with his desire to join the trip so that he can see the dress. His real mission is to act as a courier.

19 DBP – I tell April that I would love to go to a Colorado Rapids game with friends and family for my birthday. We invite her sister and brother, my mother and sister, my cousins, and some of our friends. Lex and Kellen, the only two in Colorado who know of the ring, will be there.

8 DBP – We fly to Seattle so that April can try on The Dress. I am going ostensibly because I’ve never been to Seattle and because I want to be there for April. I will not be going into the dress shop with her as I don’t want to see her in the dress until she walks down the aisle.

5 DBP – I am cutting it close but everything is falling into place. I call her father and awkwardly ask for her hand in marriage. I tell him that I love his daughter, that I cannot imagine my life without her, and that I would like his blessing. There is static and I do not know if has hung up. I ask again, this time with more elaboration. He responds with, “Of course. We’re very happy to have you in the family.” I then have to ask him to, for a couple of days, not tell his daughter that we have spoken. He agrees and I hope he can resist the urge. April and I find a book in our pile of used “wedding books” (books to be used for the arch, center pieces, page art, etc.) titled “From Here to Eternity”. It is thick enough to hold the ring box, has a phenomenal title, and, even though it is a first edition, isn’t valuable enough for April to hold it aside. I immediately steal it.

4 DBP – I take some time out of the office during the afternoon and go purchase the craft equipment I will need to prepare the book. I withdraw money from the ATM, ostensibly for the soccer game we have coming up, as I don’t want April asking why I spent money at craft stores. I ask Laurel, a woman I work with, to write out a poem I provided on heavy parchment paper. I tell her it is for a romantic gesture. “Awwws” follow and she agrees.

3 DBP – I take some more time off work in the morning to use the city’s Facilities shop to prepare the book. The insert for the ring turns out perfect. Trusting the lady at Michael’s, I use a spray glue to bind the outside of the pages together and secure the ring box in place.

2 DBP – I pick up the poem from Laurel and realize that the glue I have been using will not work. Now what? I do research online and realize that I need to go buy something different. I won’t have time to go to the store, so I take a calculated risk. I call my mother, a scrapbooker and craft savant and someone who has no idea that her oldest son is about to propose to his girlfriend, and tell her that I need to glue two pages of paper together for a present for April. My mother has just the thing and says that she will drop it off in a secret location in my living room the following morning.

1 DBP – Kellen is riding down with us to the soccer game the following morning and, rather than driving over early the next morning, stays with us that night. April goes to bed at 10 PM while Kellen and I stay up playing video games. As soon as April has settled down, I gather the last few pieces of the proposal and set to work. Using the document glue and a bone knife, I secure the page and set some very heavy books on it to make sure it stays put. I stay up later than I want to in order to make sure the book is put away before April wakes up.

0 DBP – It is a rainy day, which sucks. I have spent the last week studying the forecast like it is my job. Each day, the forecasted temperature dropped and the chance for rain increased. Doesn’t mean it will rain during the game, right? My plan is to propose at half-time. It won’t be on the jumbo-tron, it will just be done in front of family and friends. They’ll all be in one place and it will only happen this once so organically.

The rain gets stronger towards half-time and I make the call. I’m not going to risk ruining the book. We had already planned to all go get dinner together after the game so I shift my plans towards that. Unfortunately, the maid of honor (Lex) and April’s brother will not be joining us for the meal. I am able to tell Lex sorry but I cannot say anything to her brother without jeopardizing my plans. The game ends in a 0 to 0 tie, we file out of the stadium, say goodbye to those who aren’t coming to dinner, and head out. I had carried my bag with me into the stadium, telling April that I would keep the umbrellas in there. Leaving the stadium, I realize that I have no reason to carry my bag into the restaurant. The book is not exactly inconspicuous and so I’ll have to have a reason to get my bag out of the trunk and bring it into the restaurant.

When we park, we start walking away from the car before I slap my forehead and run back to the car. “I forgot that I had some books for Lauren in the trunk. I’ll just toss them in my bag.” April is cold and hungry so she just lets forgetful me grab my bag and catch back up with her. I didn’t think nerves were going to get to me, but they are.

We are seated in a back, quiet part of the restaurant. We didn’t ask for this particular table, but I’m glad we have it. While the rest of the table is talking, laughing, and looking at the menus, I’m trying to decide when to ask her. Do I just bite the bullet and do it now? No, I’ll wait until after we have ordered food. That way I don’t delay the meal for people. We order our food. People are talking and I hesitate. Now? Do I take the book out before I ask or do I start asking and then present the book? The food arrived. Okay, I’ll ask after we finish eating. Before dessert. Maybe I just wait until we’re home and it’s just the two of us. No, I need to man up. My phone vibrated and I get a text from her brother saying that he is going to swing by in thirty minutes and drop off some books. Perfect. As soon as he arrived, I would leap to my feet and profess my love for her. The next thirty minutes are torture as ten of the twelve people carry on with no knowledge of what I am about to do. Her brother does not arrive. Fifteen minutes later, I grab my knife and tap it against the side of my glass. I stare at my hand in horror. What is it doing? Everyone is looking at me now.

“Um, that worked better than I expected.”

Everyone is staring at me.

“I wanted to thank you guys for coming out for my birthday. It’s wonderful to have everyone here. You know…”

I see her brother walking towards us and I stop talking. He hands the books to his sister and says hello to everyone.

“Liam, I’m glad you’re here. I was just telling everyone how thankful I am that we could all gather together today.”

“Okay,” he says. “Rae’s waiting in the car, so…”

“I understand, but give me just a minute.”

My heart is racing.

I look April in the eye.

“I never imagined my life could be so full and so happy. You have matched me in ways I never thought possible and I cannot imagine my life without you.”

I stood up and pulled the book out of the bag. I could hear gasps from around the table and I heard someone say, “Oh my god.”

April’s face was one of shock. I had an instant of fear. Maybe when she kept telling me that no one could surprise her, she really meant that she never wanted to be surprised like this. While my head and heart warred over her reaction, my mouth just kept talking.

“This has taken longer than I wanted but you deserve something special.”

I knelt in front of her and opened the book.

“April Dawn Gosling, will you marry me?”

The pause, while it felt infinite, was over in seconds.

Spoiler alert: she said yes. I slid the ring onto her finger. There was shock around the table, then applause and hugs and congratulations. We were told to pose again as no one had a camera or phone ready for the moment. That was by design. I didn’t want anyone to remember that moment through the screen on their phone and now they won’t. Instead, they’ll remember the moment and be able to show the goofy photos of us recreating it. I had finally asked April to marry me and it was fantastic. She was caught completely by surprise. Employing my previous technique of surprising those I was using to help surprise others, Ruthie, Lex, and Kellen all each had part of the story but were all fed misinformation as well. If any of them talked to April, I would hopefully be able to determine who was the leak and find a way to proceed without them. They all remained true to the cause, however. Thanks to them, I am the winner.